MY BACKGROUND STORY

Thank you for taking the time to read this section and showing interest! I would like to share a more detailed account of my life story than what is available on the "About Me" segment of the main page.

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I spent my entire life in Germany, attending school until I dropped out due to being bullied. Afterward, I began working without any real idea of what I wanted to do. I had little interest in anything at the time, which made it difficult to plan for my future.

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A few months after quitting school, I landed an apprenticeship to become a Veterinary Nurse at a small Vet Clinic where I worked for almost seven years. During the last two years of my time there, I was able to move out of my parents' home and live with my boyfriend in an apartment closer to my job, which allowed me to save a lot of time commuting. While working as a full-time certified Vet Nurse, I also did some 'Catsitting' on the side to supplement my salary. This involved caring for cats while their owners were on vacation. My boyfriend studied from home while I worked all day.

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I met my partner while playing World of Warcraft in 2013. It was a coincidence that we met because my brother was quitting the game and my in-game friend suggested that I apply for a Rated Battleground group, which is how we met. We started talking and decided to try a relationship. He moved to Germany to live with me and my parents before we eventually found our own apartment. We've been together ever since and we've had our 10 year anniversary in early 2023.

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Eventually, my partner wanted to move back to his home country in order to pursue his dream of becoming a Level Designer for games, which was not available in Germany. I went with him, as I did not feel overly attached to my home country and wanted him to be happy. I quit my job at the clinic and we moved to Sweden, where I attempted several smaller jobs, none of which were financially or emotionally fulfilling. I began streaming more and more and fell in love with it over time.

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I spent a considerable amount of time learning Swedish at home and enjoying my newfound free time. The more I streamed, the more I wanted to stick to it. The thought of having to go to a workplace that I probably wouldn't enjoy gave me anxiety, especially thinking about the pressure of having to speak Swedish. All other job options were either poorly paid, too far away, or something I would not enjoy doing at all. They also involved a lot of paperwork that I did not want to deal with.

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Although I understand about 90% of the language (Swedish is my fifth language after German, English, French, and Khmer), I only feel comfortable speaking English and German. Even now, I feel strange speaking German because I am so used to speaking English all day.

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I am generally a shy and reserved person who prefers to blend in rather than stand out. I am a creature of habit and do not appreciate change too much. I am not one for surprises and do not like the thought of doing something completely different or new. Even playing new games takes me a long time to adjust or get used to.

Streaming changed everything for me. I got to decide what to do and when to do it. I felt comfortable at home and decided when to stop for the day. Nobody could tell me what to do, and there were no expectations because it was my stream with my rules and decisions.

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Initially, Twitch was just a hobby, and I had no idea that it could generate income. However, as more and more people supported me, I was able to improve my setup and do sponsored streams, which helped me pay my bills. Despite this, I still didn't view streaming as a job, as it simply brought me joy and was a part of my daily routine.

I appreciate anyone who chooses to spend their time watching my channel, but I don't expect anyone to donate or subscribe to me. I'm grateful for the support, and your presence alone helps me out a lot.

Although I streamed for 4-5 hours every weekday for several years, I was careful not to overwork myself and burn out. Mental health is something I take seriously. Additionally, I took care of all household chores to alleviate the burden on my partner, who was our only source of income at the time.

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After two family members suffered heart attacks within two weeks of each other, my fear of working too much grew. One family member passed away, and the other had to take heart medication for the rest of their life due to stress from work. The idea of returning to working long hours for little pay gave me tremendous anxiety. Sadly, the salary for Veterinary Nurses is terrible considering the amount of work hours you had to put in. I was not ready to try anything new just yet.

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The past few years gave me time to learn more about myself too. I often feel that I'm incompetent and that my accomplishments mean nothing. Whatever I do is never good enough, which turned me into a very pessimistic person. After learning more about Mental Health in general, I seem to have "Impostor Syndrome" among other minor things (which is only a self-diagnosis). Once I found out what could cause this and how to deal with it, I tried to change my perspective of life and adjusted accordingly.

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During my partner's studies, I didn't look for part-time work, as we were uncertain about our future. However, I used this time to learn more about myself, including recognizing my issues. Once I identified this and started addressing them, my perspective on life changed, and I started to feel more positive ever since.

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When we moved to Manchester in November 2021 for my partner's job at Cloud Imperium Games, I finally gained the confidence to apply for jobs. After learning that they treat their employees well and the atmosphere is what I'm looking for, I applied at the same company later on. In May 2023, they accepted me as a QA Tester, an entry-level job, as I have no education or experience in game development on paper (yet).

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While I won't be able to stream as often due to my full-time job, I will still try to stream occassionally on Fridays if time and energy allows, because I treat my streams as my therapy. Keep in touch on Discord or keep an eye out for spontaneous streams.​

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Edit 2024: I have been working at CIG for over a year at this point and I've been very happy with my situation. I'm being told that I'm doing exceptionally well, so I'm keeping at it to have my tiny contribution to the development of Star Citizen/Squadron42!

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Overall, I'm extremely grateful for all the support I've received from you and how it has helped me get to where I am today.

 

Thank you for being an important part of my life.

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Last Edited in August 2024